Hi! I’m Alyssa Decker, your relationship coach.
Here's what I know:
You’re exhausted and tired of all the anxiety
in your relationship (even though you're empowered and successful in the rest of your life).
You’re tired of repeating the same arguments and fruitless conversations over and over.
You’re starting to wonder if there’s something wrong with you.
You’d give anything for a break from all the insults, arguments, and fear.
All you want is to feel safe again.
You feeling me?
Ten Years ago, I was just like you.
I was in a difficult marriage for 19 years, and for most of it I felt unsafe, unseen, and full of anxiety. I felt like my whole life was a losing proposition, because no matter how hard I tried, I could do nothing right. Then something changed, and it wasn’t my husband.
It was me.
Here’s what happened.
One day in the car, my usual radio station was off the air, so I started scanning stations for something to listen to. I came across a woman who was telling the story of her marriage, and I was immediately captivated. She was describing my marriage, almost exactly.
For some reason, it had not occurred to me that there might be other marriages like mine. As she was talking I was driving down the road with tears streaming down my face. I felt so seen, like she somehow knew my situation.
And then she said the words that set my world spinning on its axis, never to recover.
“I realized I was in an abusive marriage, and that I couldn’t stay.”
No, I immediately thought. NO. I’m not in an abusive marriage! My marriage is just hard. One day we’ll figure it out, and it will get better.
The trouble was, I knew that truth, and it felt like a punch to the gut that stole my breath away. Now that I knew, I couldn’t go back.
Finally, I faced reality with the help of a coach and a support group. I started learning how to create a different conversation in my mind, which led to calmer reactions, which led to happier me.
It took months to unravel all the things my brain believed, all the assumptions I had made, and all the lies I believed, but the work was worth it.
The results were undeniable. Less anxiety, fewer sleepless nights, and waaayyy less emotional labor.
Just to be clear, this wasn't just about me changing my mindset. It was about rewiring the most core beliefs that I had built my life around. It was also learning new tactics and strategies that got me out of the old grooves worn in the decades old record.
It wasn’t an overnight transformation. Sometimes it felt like two steps forward, and three steps back. Some days I felt like I was never going to succeed. But little by little, I was seeing changes in myself that made me feel more like myself than I had in decades.
I stopped being triggered and started showing up the way I really wanted to, instead of just reacting. I started showing up intentionally for my kids, helping them process their feelings after another high-anxiety night of yelling and anger. I was able to draw a line at abuse for myself, and help my children do the same.
I took my power back.
Is it your turn to get out of your painful ruts and start changing the cycles?
Ready to throw the biggest rock you can find in the lake of your life, and watch the ripples of change grow?
I got you. It’s kinda my thing now. I'm passionate about giving others access to the tools and belief-changing strategies that I used to alter my life … to take back my power.
I am here to help with the most challenging relationships you’ve got. For some of you, this work may mean getting OUT of a relationship. For others, it may mean staying IN that relationship and reframing your understanding, thoughts, and expectations so that it feels safer and creates less anxiety in your body.
Whether the person you’re thinking of is a co-worker, friend, parent, or a lover… this stuff works.
Need help finding better strategies for communicating with a spouse? Gotcha.
Looking for ways to deal with a boss that never has a nice thing to say? Yup, that’s doable.
Ready to reclaim your power and autonomy, and stop feeling like you got run over by a monster truck every time you talk to that one person? Challenging, but well within reach.
Got a parent that never quite figured out the kindness gig? Tough, but I gotchu.
Want to come and chat as a couple, and learn some gems that will make you dance in the kitchen again? Let’s do it.
Just make sure you’re both all in… or it’ll just feel like a trip to the dentist.
But just to be clear, many of the words and actions causing the problems may not be yours. However, your reactions are creating anxiety inside your body. And that is good news (honest!), because your reactions are the one part of the relationship you can change, without any cooperation at all from the other person.
You don’t have the power OR the responsibility to change anyone except the person inside your body. That should make you want to pop open some champagne, because that means you aren’t responsible for changing the other person, and you don’t need their cooperation to reclaim your power.
So Now's The Time. Book a free chat.
After that, you’ll get to choose a package that works for you, and we’ll get to work
FAQ
Is coaching the same as therapy?
Nope. Coaches don’t diagnose, treat, heal, or prescribe anything. I’m here to help you see what is happening in your relationship, offer a listening ear, and help you find the solutions and strategies that work best for you.
When are you available for sessions?
I’m available for a variety of morning, afternoon, and evening and weekend sessions.
How long will it take to see results?
That depends on your story. Some of us have a bit more work to do than others, but within a few sessions, you’ll start to feel a difference. It will be hard work, but also one of the most rewarding things you've ever done!
How much will coaching cost?
That depends on your situation and what is your quickest path to growth and peace. I offer group sessions, individual coaching. and hybrid (combination options). In your connection call, we'll discuss the different options and see what is your best fit.
Do you meet online or in person?
I do most of my coaching sessions using Google Meet. Sessions can be recorded at your request. If you live in south central Texas and wish to meet in person, send me an email to discuss.
Places to Find Me:
